Who Does This to Them-self?

I am in my third year of Naturopathic Medical School. I am tired. I am so worn out. I have survived on roughly 6 hours of sleep ever night for the last year.  I regularly drink 3-6 cups of coffee a day and frequently have extra shots of espresso on top of that. I have gained 30 pounds because I spend all of my time sitting in class or sitting and studying. I have had heart palpitations for the last two months (not from coffee either - I cut that out and they still happened!), and I have had a cold for the last 3 weeks. Most recently I scored 16 points below average on a mid term, which was still 20 points below passing. (If you did your math...yes...the class average was 76...the average person in the class did not pass).

You might be asking your self...What? Why? Why is she not taking a break? What is going on in this girls life that she can't get it together. Lets take a closer look at my schedule....

I am taking 23.5 credits...definitely not the most since I have started school. This includes credits for lecture, lab and clinic hours which totals....35 hours a week where I am in class or in the clinic. Yoza. When I was in my undergrad I learned that you should study outside class 3 hours for every one hour you are in class...so taking clinic hours out that is 81 hours of studying a week.

There is 168 hours in a week.

168-23-81=52 hours that are not accounted for...

But there is also that sleep I mentioned....so, 6 hours a night is 42 a week. Which leaves me with 10. 10 hours that I have to take care of my home, my dogs, spend time with my husband and most importantly, God. This is crazy. So I ask...who does this to them-self?

No wonder I am not doing it perfectly (to me this also means failing).....This is just not humanly possible.

So what am I going to do about it...

Tonight. Pick up Thai food and cake. Cake always makes things better. Drink a glass of wine and take a hot bath. Sleep well. Start fresh tomorrow...Spend time with God first. Ask him to give me the strength to get through this. Ask him to show me the way to get through this. He won't fail me. I know I am where he wants me to be, so many things fell into place at just the right time in my life to get me here. I am in his mercy and I know that he is good. And I am his.

I am making this song my Prayer. Every day. For the next 5 weeks.

September 21, 2014
Update

Just in case you were wondering....I PASSED NUTRITION...and Cardiology...and all 23 credits last spring. The first day I didn't have school I slept 14 hours straight...right through my regular meeting time with my mentor...Sorry Dana!

I wanted chocolate....So I went for a run

I had a really difficult test today in nutrition. But, judging from the discussion after the test, so did everyone else in my class. All I could think about on my way home was cake. I didn't have any though. I had chocolate.

After letting the dogs out, I made some lunch, tuna wraps with romaine lettuce, let the dogs back in and ate. Then I remembered my test. And my craving for something sweet, so I got out my last chocolate bar from Trader Joe's.
I then sat down to read one of my favorite blogs...and wouldn't you know it...She went running today. 7 miles! On the beach. Hmmf.

So I packed up my chocolate and decided to put on some running clothing and set out for a little run. I am slow. It was tough. But I did it. (By the way, the new shoes were great!)

It was an interesting feeling knowing I should run, and then getting a gentle nudge from someone that I admire. It was good to get going and now that it is over, I feel great. I am sure that I will be a little sore tomorrow, but it was nice to get my body moving, and it feels good. So good.

By the way....where has this been all of my life?

New Kicks!

On Sunday after a long day at class (yes...class on weekends...medical school is ruthless), I went to pick up my lovely friend and role model, Dana, and we went and picked up some shoes. I haven't been running in a long time. I use to be a pseudo runner...I 'competed' in a few races before I started medical school. It was fun, but I never stuck with it after school got going (got going = 4ish weeks before we actually started class 3 years ago). But, with my Whole 30 success, I was inspired, I use to like running, and I thought that it would be good to get going again. Goodbye Adidas - you have been great.

I bought my shoes from Road Runner Sports in Tualatin, Oregon. I love this place because they have fit experts who will take all kinds of crazy measurements and help you find the right shoes. Althoug the guy who fitted my shoes wanted to sell me some 'custom fit' insole arch support something or another. I was not interested, which resulted in an eye role...It is okay Parker...no hard feelings. However, Road Runner Sports will allow you to exchange your shoes with in 90 days if you decide that they are not just the right fit.Which is good enough for me. 

But, I am pretty sure that these will work....and not only because they are beautiful. I am excited for the adventures that they will bring and the places I will go. I haven't picked anything to start with; a race, a distance, a time. I am hoping that I will just get out there and see what feels good. Couch to 5 K anyone?

I am excited about the prospect of these sky blue wonderful shoes. But I am scared. I frequently start things, and then don't finish them. I get excited and buy what I need, and then I don't follow through because I feel like I am not doing 'good enough.' I am scared of failing. I am scared of not doing well as the super fit women in my class at school. I am scared of looking like a poser. (I know, no one has used this word since 1998). I don't want to be 'that girl' who starts things all the time and then never finishes them. It is very defeating. 

I compare my self to my favorite bloggers, Julie from http://www.pbfingers.com/, and Ashley from my http://www.myfoodnfitnessdiaries.com/  Ashley and Julie always look beautiful after a workout, they are God-fearing women, have amazing diets, have beautiful families and wonderful and exciting lives. Ashley is on her way  to becoming a group fitness instructor, and Julie is already. I want to be them. They are the standard I hold myself to.

However, I think I might be the only one who is making this comparison. On the radio yesterday I heard the DJ say "you should stop comparing your behind the scenes footage to everyone else's highlight real". Some good advice. Not just when thinking about my fitness abilities in reference to my favorite blogger or my classmates.It is so hard to not compare your self to those around you. But, God made me unique, and not like these women at all.

The Whole 30...16

I think it was 16, how many days I lasted, I mean.

Mark and I started the Whole 30 on April 7th. We lasted...mmm...two weeks, maybe a little less, maybe a little more.

It was a great experiment, we both did well. Mark lost 10 lbs and I lost 8 lbs. And although we didn't last the whole 30, we did pretty good.

I learned a lot. About me and my connections with foods. I love sugar. And grains. And sugar. I have long used food to cope with stressful situations, and this why I am a little overweight and very tired. Sugar does lots of things to your immune system, energy and not all of them good.

I am happy with my results with how I did for a short period of time, and I do admit that I feel much better when I follow the whole 30, and I plan to continue...sometime, very soon. It has been a great experience. I spend more money on food, and more time in the kitchen, but overall, I am doing so much better because of it.

I have 7 weeks of school left before summer break, and I plan to go back on on the diet lifestyle change before then. But until then, I am going to enjoy as many bowls of coconut milk ice cream as I can. That is food, right?

What year is it?

So, apparently I am really bad about following through with things. Good news - my life is just about the same. Except a few minor details.

I am still addicted to coffee.Sleep is hard to come by and although I do not work at a coffee shop any more, I still drink a lot of coffee. Somewhere between 32 and 48 oz a day. My current favorite is Zoka out of Seattle. Of course, I still have espresso. Two to three shots, one or two times a day. Addictions must not not be ignored.

I am back in school - for almost three years now. I am in my third year of naturopathic medical school, studying to one day become a doctor. Although, the lack of sleep (see above), is enough to drive one crazy, I will stick with it...only 584 days to go....


My family life is the same, still married (hitting the big 10 year mark this summer) to the same wonderful guy. We have a new pup, Higgins (if you get it...you are cool), who is just over a year old now. He is a German Sheppard/ Golden Retriever and tends to run into things...a lot. He takes wild and crazy to a whole new level. When he was about 7 months old he actually head butted me and split my forehead open. Scars are cool.

I've been trying to think what I want this blog to become. I have some favorites, that I like to read, and really like the way they are set up. Check them out....
myfoodnfitnessdiaries.com
pbfingers.com
I may not do as much fitness though, I will probably focus more on health...and my other adventures. I like fitness...but lets be real...I would much rather spend that time each day sleeping...