FB No More

I have been mulling over this decision for some months now.

I did it.....

I did, what I would guess, most people deep down desire to do.

I killed my FB account.

It feels good.

I originally signed up to be on FB to keep in touch with family who live out of state. To see pics of my beautiful nieces and to connect with long lost friends. But like for most people, the desire to accumulate 'friends' to check my news feed every day and stalk people (don't judge...I bet you have done it too), grew to be too much. I am reading a book called Women Living Well: Finding Joy in God, Your Man, Your Kids, and Your Home By Courtney Joseph, and chapter 4 is all about how media has overtaken our lives. And that is just how I felt. I desire to break free from this addiction as well as to grow in other areas of my life. I want to invest in people and to have genuine relationships where I have real conversations with people. So, those of you who know me, know how to get in touch with me. I would love to have a cup of coffee - or tea if you must ;-) I am joking. I like tea too. I won't judge you if this is your beverage of choice.

Call me, meet me face to face!

And if you are curious about this book, here is the link to it on Amazon. I have not finished it yet, but have enjoyed what I have been reading so far!

Packages...

Sorry for the little hiatus. The last few weeks of school were really rough. Sleeping 6 hours a night gets to you after awhile. I think after a while I was drinking more cups of coffee than the number of hours I was sleeping a day. Lets ponder that for a moment. Now that I have been done for a couple of days, I am glad for the chance to refocus a little and cut it back to 3 cups a day....

I called and texted my mom daily when school was really tough. She was great at helping me re-frame things and get through the tough stuff. Then today this came in the mail. 

She knows me so well.

Speaking of cake....I went to Petunias to celebrate the end of the term. The cake was amazing..not just because it was gluten free and vegan.

Along with the mystery envelope there was a whole assortment of goodies. Lots of body care stuff, some books, magazines, nail polish, and a couple of other thoughtful gifts. Things that I really needed to relax. The reminder was wonderful too. 

So often we get caught up in the little things that stress us out...okay...medical school isn't a little thing, but you know what I mean. It is easy to get distracted and forget what the important things are...family, friends, taking care of your self and your mental health. There are so many things that get in the way and constant reminders are needed for some of us.

Here are some of my self care catch up goals for the summer -

1. Sleep 8 hours a night: There is no reason for me to get less than this. Sleep is an import part of maintaining good physical and mental health. Did you know the average American is sleep deprived by over 50 hours!

2. Get to the gym: I think I only made it a few times last quarter. I don't even want to do the math on how much each visit cost. 

3. Read my bible: I have a few bible studies I want to catch up on. Boundaries and Captivating have been sitting on my coffee table for months (closer to 12 than 3).
4. Play: I have to say that my pups didn't get as much attention as they should have in the last few months. Higgins needs to run off lots of energy and he didn't get many balls or frisbees thrown for him in the last couple of weeks. I think I see some hikes in our future?

Any thoughts on what I should add to my to-do list for the summer? 

Who Does This to Them-self?

I am in my third year of Naturopathic Medical School. I am tired. I am so worn out. I have survived on roughly 6 hours of sleep ever night for the last year.  I regularly drink 3-6 cups of coffee a day and frequently have extra shots of espresso on top of that. I have gained 30 pounds because I spend all of my time sitting in class or sitting and studying. I have had heart palpitations for the last two months (not from coffee either - I cut that out and they still happened!), and I have had a cold for the last 3 weeks. Most recently I scored 16 points below average on a mid term, which was still 20 points below passing. (If you did your math...yes...the class average was 76...the average person in the class did not pass).

You might be asking your self...What? Why? Why is she not taking a break? What is going on in this girls life that she can't get it together. Lets take a closer look at my schedule....

I am taking 23.5 credits...definitely not the most since I have started school. This includes credits for lecture, lab and clinic hours which totals....35 hours a week where I am in class or in the clinic. Yoza. When I was in my undergrad I learned that you should study outside class 3 hours for every one hour you are in class...so taking clinic hours out that is 81 hours of studying a week.

There is 168 hours in a week.

168-23-81=52 hours that are not accounted for...

But there is also that sleep I mentioned....so, 6 hours a night is 42 a week. Which leaves me with 10. 10 hours that I have to take care of my home, my dogs, spend time with my husband and most importantly, God. This is crazy. So I ask...who does this to them-self?

No wonder I am not doing it perfectly (to me this also means failing).....This is just not humanly possible.

So what am I going to do about it...

Tonight. Pick up Thai food and cake. Cake always makes things better. Drink a glass of wine and take a hot bath. Sleep well. Start fresh tomorrow...Spend time with God first. Ask him to give me the strength to get through this. Ask him to show me the way to get through this. He won't fail me. I know I am where he wants me to be, so many things fell into place at just the right time in my life to get me here. I am in his mercy and I know that he is good. And I am his.

I am making this song my Prayer. Every day. For the next 5 weeks.

September 21, 2014
Update

Just in case you were wondering....I PASSED NUTRITION...and Cardiology...and all 23 credits last spring. The first day I didn't have school I slept 14 hours straight...right through my regular meeting time with my mentor...Sorry Dana!

I wanted chocolate....So I went for a run

I had a really difficult test today in nutrition. But, judging from the discussion after the test, so did everyone else in my class. All I could think about on my way home was cake. I didn't have any though. I had chocolate.

After letting the dogs out, I made some lunch, tuna wraps with romaine lettuce, let the dogs back in and ate. Then I remembered my test. And my craving for something sweet, so I got out my last chocolate bar from Trader Joe's.
I then sat down to read one of my favorite blogs...and wouldn't you know it...She went running today. 7 miles! On the beach. Hmmf.

So I packed up my chocolate and decided to put on some running clothing and set out for a little run. I am slow. It was tough. But I did it. (By the way, the new shoes were great!)

It was an interesting feeling knowing I should run, and then getting a gentle nudge from someone that I admire. It was good to get going and now that it is over, I feel great. I am sure that I will be a little sore tomorrow, but it was nice to get my body moving, and it feels good. So good.

By the way....where has this been all of my life?

New Kicks!

On Sunday after a long day at class (yes...class on weekends...medical school is ruthless), I went to pick up my lovely friend and role model, Dana, and we went and picked up some shoes. I haven't been running in a long time. I use to be a pseudo runner...I 'competed' in a few races before I started medical school. It was fun, but I never stuck with it after school got going (got going = 4ish weeks before we actually started class 3 years ago). But, with my Whole 30 success, I was inspired, I use to like running, and I thought that it would be good to get going again. Goodbye Adidas - you have been great.

I bought my shoes from Road Runner Sports in Tualatin, Oregon. I love this place because they have fit experts who will take all kinds of crazy measurements and help you find the right shoes. Althoug the guy who fitted my shoes wanted to sell me some 'custom fit' insole arch support something or another. I was not interested, which resulted in an eye role...It is okay Parker...no hard feelings. However, Road Runner Sports will allow you to exchange your shoes with in 90 days if you decide that they are not just the right fit.Which is good enough for me. 

But, I am pretty sure that these will work....and not only because they are beautiful. I am excited for the adventures that they will bring and the places I will go. I haven't picked anything to start with; a race, a distance, a time. I am hoping that I will just get out there and see what feels good. Couch to 5 K anyone?

I am excited about the prospect of these sky blue wonderful shoes. But I am scared. I frequently start things, and then don't finish them. I get excited and buy what I need, and then I don't follow through because I feel like I am not doing 'good enough.' I am scared of failing. I am scared of not doing well as the super fit women in my class at school. I am scared of looking like a poser. (I know, no one has used this word since 1998). I don't want to be 'that girl' who starts things all the time and then never finishes them. It is very defeating. 

I compare my self to my favorite bloggers, Julie from http://www.pbfingers.com/, and Ashley from my http://www.myfoodnfitnessdiaries.com/  Ashley and Julie always look beautiful after a workout, they are God-fearing women, have amazing diets, have beautiful families and wonderful and exciting lives. Ashley is on her way  to becoming a group fitness instructor, and Julie is already. I want to be them. They are the standard I hold myself to.

However, I think I might be the only one who is making this comparison. On the radio yesterday I heard the DJ say "you should stop comparing your behind the scenes footage to everyone else's highlight real". Some good advice. Not just when thinking about my fitness abilities in reference to my favorite blogger or my classmates.It is so hard to not compare your self to those around you. But, God made me unique, and not like these women at all.