Waiting...

I can think of about 1001 things that I would rather do than wait. I am not sure if it is my anxious personality, the inability to focus on one thing for any substantial amount of time, or the fact that I am always in a hurry. When I have to wait for something that I am really excited about....it is worse. I feel a constant stream of adrenalin running into my system. It is like one of those little fountains that are often in doctors offices, except, with out the calming effect. I can't sit down and focus on anything.

There are a couple of things that I am waiting on now. I am waiting for time to go by so that school will be done for Christmas break. I am waiting on a rum cake to come out of the oven for a party I am going to this weekend. I am waiting on my niece Addison to get better so she can come home from the hospital. I am waiting on NCNM to give me a call and say yeah or nay so that I know if I will be going to medical school next year.

Sometimes this inability to sit still will cause to me to take action. Checking the cake, studying for finals, making phone calls to check on the status of a loved one. But when there is nothing that I can do to change the status of my application or hurry the process of healing for my dear sweet niece I become frustrated. I would like to be able to say that it is these times cause me to go to the lord in prayer and get down on my knees. But in most cases it doesn't. Don't get me wrong. When I learned about my sister and niece on Thanksgiving night, I prayed so hard, and so long. Waiting for my the yeah of nay for medical school is killing me...slowly.

I have not been to God much for this unknown. I think it is partly because I know that the knows my mind. He knows my fears and my hopes. I think that I am also afraid to pray about it because I am afraid that his answer might not be what I want to hear, which, in two of the three cases it is. Which leaves me stuck. I want to do well, I want to turn to him for everything, but somewhere deep inside me, I know that He already knows.